parents and non parents.

Actually I am funny. I have said a lot of funny stuff here during the time I have been a mapper. I actually love humor. Its just that my humor radar has been turned off recently for a little while.

Happens when you're depressed.
 
I would just like to add to this. I understand that you don't like children but as you say above you didn't choose to be this way.

However, I have yet to see any attempt from you to change yourself in order to like or at the very least tolerate being around them.

From what I have read of your comments you basically abhor being in the presence of what is quite a large segment of society. And this is a segment of society that you will never be able to avoid by being part of a public society. I personally fail to see how this is greatly different to someone being outwardly and aggressively homophobic or racist. I can understand how you (and anyone) dislikes baby poo, vomit or screaming but that is the certain actions, rather than the person itself.

Your active dislike of children is a problem. But what have you done to try and improve that problem?
 
It's because you're in emotional turmoil about children because sub-conciously you really DO want to have one! That's also the reason for the thread topic you created!


(This, along with my last post of saying you should have a child for science, is all joking and not meant to be taken seriously at all. It's not even 'humor with an intended undertone' either . . . I'm just kidding around!)
 
Yep.

Things like having an excuse to watch cartoons, play with radio controlled stuff and absolutely having to get games and consoles on release day.
 
You've got to be kidding! Now that my kids have their own lives I have a lot more time for watching cartoons, and I can actually afford cool RC stuff. Never went in for the video games though.
 
I'm confused!!!! Does that mean it's possible to care less, or that its not possible to care less

American's and their crazy language rules!!!!
 
Hi folk,

Blade has just told us that she is feeling blue, which in and of itself takes a major amount of courage, can I please suggest that we all take that into account as we frame our replies. At the end of the day how we all feel about this stuff is basically personal, and kind of, well, not particularly important in the big scheme of things - at least from my perspective. I love having fun at least as much as the next person, but not if it might cause harm.

Oh, and Blade, if I have overstepped the line on this I apologise. Depression is a thing that has taken away a few of my comrades way before their time, so I will pretty much always err on the side of being conservative.

paul
 
I think it might be typical to not like other peoples kids, but to like your own. For a while (I guess around 30 or so) I really had given up on the idea of kids. I just didn't think I wanted them. You hear them in stores screaming or see them just annoying their parents and I would think... ummmm, no thanks. My Wife, however, was such a wonderful person to me and unlike anyone I had ever met and it just really made me want to have a child with her. It just changed my idea of kids.
 
The best part about kids is getting an excuse to buy more legos. Well... maybe not the best, but it's up there.
 
Ok,

Of course there are people out there whom should not be parents from/forward child abuse, neglect, abandonment, or put up for adoption.

These are the people who should have thought or taken precautions not to have offspring in the first place.

Another thing, if someone is in so much poverty that thy can barely take care of themselves, then parenthood should never be

If someone doesn’t want to become a parent from a choice; it could be;

-Haven’t chosen the right mate

-Out if Fear

People who fear becoming parenting don't understand that parenting is not something perfect a couple do, but something that perfects the couple. The end product of child raising is not the child but the parent.

Mother Nature, in her infinite wisdom, has instilled within each of us a powerful biological instinct to reproduce; this is her way of assuring that the human race, come what may, will never have any disposable income. ~Dave Barry

Parenthood is a lot easier to get into than out of. ~Bruce Lansky

If your parents didn't have any children, you would not have been born to make choices.

Being a parent is taking upon more responsibility than that of yourself-It is an unselfish act. It is like riding a bike; you have to fall only to learn. For those who don’t want to be a parent they can never state they know how to ride a bike just by observation

However, with that all said;

http://www.cnn.com/2012/05/11/living/kinsman-never-a-mother

http://ideas.time.com/2013/04/17/stop-telling-me-ill-change-my-mind-about-wanting-kids/
 
The funny thing about having kids, is that most of the time they keep you from being depressed because they are a joy.

Anytime I get slightly depressed, something my kid would do or say uplifts me.

That said, if one is always depressed, then perhaps it is a wise decision not be parent

No Offense
 
I agree. No matter what, thinking of my daughters or giving them a hug never fails to lighten me up.
 
You can learn what happened in WW2 at an intellectual level. But you will not ever understand what it means to have actually lived in a concentration camp, or to have to flee before invaders twice. My grandfather did the former, and my grandmother the latter.

Truly understanding changes who you are and what you do. Learning about it from textbooks and wikipedia doesn't.
 
Why is it a problem?

I fall on the side of disliking baby actions. I don't dislike the baby as a person per-se, but I also don't care about them in the slightest at that point other. The end result is exactly the same in that I don't like being around them. That is not a problem. That's a personal preference that has no bearing on anyone else's life and won't effect them unless the try to force a kid on me as has been done numerous times.

Comparing it to racism or homophobia is also a bit silly. Or not, but I still have caveats for that too. Like me not liking being around kids because of how they are I suppose could be akin to not wanting to be around gay people because of how they act. If we're not being sterotypical all that really means is that I wouldn't like being around gay people while they make out. I don't like being around straight couple when they do that. Makes me very jealous. So no, its not equal to homophobia.

BUt for the sake of arguement lets say it is the same thing. Why does that matter? My beef with racism, homophobia, sexism etc etc comes in when people try and impose their views on others or try to enact laws based on those views. If you're a racist to the extent you just don't like being around black people then I really don't care. You're not hurting anyone. Yeah you're limiting yourself from a segment of the population and missing out on interaction with some potentially cool and interesting people but that's your problem as an individual. No one has any decent reason to tell you to change over it other than imposing their own views on you.

Equating it to being aggressively homophobic or racist? I fail to see that completely.

iIdon't like being around young kids. What decent reason is there for me to change something I feel strongly about just to placate others? That placating also only really comes down to giving them the ability to have me share in their joy of having a child which, frankly, I'm under zero obligation to do. It'd be nice of me sure, but none of our lives are radically altered by me not wanting to hold, feed or play with someone's baby.
 
Listen, I know I am new here, and I have nothing against you blade. You seem nice enough. But you opened up this conversation, so I am going to comment. I mean no offense. And I SURE don't want to add to any feelings of depression. But at this point, I am going to speak up.



It's a problem if the dislike of kids is so strong it is causing family rifts on the scale described.

It is a problem if one cannot let a "congrats on having a baby thread go" without having to make a comment letting your dislike of kids be known. (There is a proper time and place for everything.)

It is a problem if you have to make ridiculous comaprisons to how GLBT people are discriminated against. (Tell me about the people beaten to death for not wanting to have children. I have personally known multiple people physically assaulted for being gay. I knew of one person in San Diego stabbed to death by skinheads because they thought he was gay by being in our gay neighborhood. He wasn't even gay. Who is your Matthew Shepard? If you don't remember who he is, please google it.)

It is a problem if you have to make analogies to victims of genocide - i.e. Jewish Holocaust.

What I am saying is this dislike is on a level that has lost perspective and balance IMO. It isn't the dislike. It is the scale of dislike.

You can dislike kids, dislike being around them. I get that. But it is coming across as something REALLY extreme. I have to honestly say IMO it seems at an unhealthy level. (And I don't have kids nor want any, so please don't dismiss what I am saying as some parent bias.)

Just deal with it enough that it doesn't cause you so much misery.

I say this as an unbiased newbie who hasn't any history of people here to go on. Just new impressions.
 
I totally agree with what Aaradia said. I've got a lot of time for you Blade, I think you're a very valuable and well-liked member here on MAP. But your anti-child stance does come across as being rather extreme.

I don't wish to put down the way your feel about children, because there must be a reason why you feel that way. But the way that you express those feelings can come across as being a bit OTT at times. And from what you've said, it sounds like it may have caused a rift with some friends and family.

Now for all I know, they might have been at fault to a greater or lesser degree, and I've no wish to pry into your business. But from a purely MAP-oriented POV, I'd just like to offer a well-meant suggestion to you. Namely, that you think about the effect that making sweeping attacks on children is likely to have on other people.

I think it would be a great pity if you caused a lot of people offence, because I do believe that you are a very well-liked and respected member here.
 
I assumed this thread was about the perception of non parents from parents generally, not just a thread about Blade's personal views. I wouldn't of commented otherwise. I have similiar issues being around kids, I just don't express them quite as severely. But I've just read Righty's quote I replied to again and it still seems more like she's implying there's a problem with not liking being around kids. Not that there's a problem simply with being as severe about it as Blade is.

For the family rift issue, from what I remember of the specific Blade example that's a problem with her family member being a douche. And that extends further. Family riffs there are only caused by the parents involved not being able to respect the wishes of other people who don't like children. I had problems with my brother when my niece was born although nowhere near on the scale Blade did. I had an argument with him at one point because I don't liek babies but that was because he was repeatedly trying to force her onto me. I had zero problems with my sister in law however because she was able to accept I didn't want to be involved and leave it at that.



Granted.



Can I throw in people who are attacked at abortion clinics?

From what I remember the LGBT example was brought up by grasshopper who made a comparison to his personal experiences. That wasn't a subject brought up by a childfree person. Unless GH is childfree in which case I take it back.



That wasn't a comparison on dislike. Its not like Blade said she hates babies to the extent the Nazis hated Jews. The holocaust was used as an example about the level of understanding and empathy you can have for something you haven't personally experienced. That had nothing to do with not liking being around kids.



Again, not what Righty implied. Her implication was the dislike was a problem because it seperates you from a certain percentage of the population before using that to make a comparison to homophobia or racism. Scale of dislike doesn't factor in there. I'm nowhere near as passionate about this as Blade is, but I also don't like being around small children so I would still miss out on the same amount of interaction. Therefore my own views are also apparently a problem.



I've been posting in this thread from my own viewpoint and it was my post Righty replied to so I can assume her saying its a problem applied to me as well. If it didn't then cool.
 
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