Question about a Christian friend who gossips?

A

ARIEL

Member
Joined
May 18, 2008
Messages
138
Reaction score
0
Points
16
My friend is a Christian. She's been a Christian as long as I've known her. It's a big deal to her. There are crosses all over her house, she goes to church frequently, and so on.

Anyway, she calls me, and the calls sometimes involve hateful gossiping about people. The subject matter is usually people she knows who are having premarital sex, getting "knocked up" at 16, drinking, and doing drugs. She goes on to talk about how glad she is that she's so much better than this. "I've never drank, I'm still a virgin, and I would never live how these people are living. They're on drugs and their lives are horrible; I'm so glad I'm not like that," is how she wraps up the majority of these conversations.

This didn't used to bother me as much when I was an atheist. But after reading the Bible lately, I immediately think of the story of the self-righteous Pharisee in Luke 18:10-14 who says, "God, I thank thee, that I am not as other men are, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this publican." Then a tax collector prays and says, "God be merciful to me a sinner." Jesus says the tax collector is justified.

Well, as she was gossiping again today, this passage was going through my mind. I thought, "Should I mention it, or should I pull the plank out of my own eye first?" She went on and on, and I'd try to cut it off with "Yeah, well, you know. . ." to get the subject moving along. She insisted on beating it into the ground, so I said, "Hey, there's this Bible verse I want you to read." She then said that she had to let me go, and would call me right back. She never called back.

Every time I mention the Bible, she gets silent. Every time I mention God, she looks the other way and won't listen to me. I went through a period of atheism and am now coming to believe in Christ. Could this be the reason? Maybe she doesn't trust me. But I've noticed a pattern. When I try to talk to my Christian friends and family about what the Bible says, I get silence and people "have to go."

What's going on? How can I point things out without condescending? Should I just shut up? Because the Bible says that it's good for correction, guidance, etc. What do you think?
I realize that posting this is ironic, considering I'm sort of gossiping about a gossip. But I really am looking for opinions. And sorry for making it a mile long, too.
 
Good for you- you see through the veneer of her Christian mask. There are, unfortunately, a lot of folks who say they are Christians, and wear the mask of self righteousness and pride. But God hates pride. Our righteousness is like filthy rags to Him. Your friend is deceiving herself if she thinks she is better than the others who are struggling with fleshly sins. The sin of pride is far worse in God's eyes than those who struggle with sex and drugs. At least most of them know inwardly that they are doing wrong. Most folks who are prideful cannot see themselves at all.

One thing you might do to alert her is to ask her when the gossip starts, "Is this something I need to know? It makes me uncomfortable to listen to gossip about others."
A friend of mine always responds to any kind of comments about others with this statement. It usually stops me dead in my tracks if I'm relating a story that is unnecessary to share. I appreciate her strength in this area.
If your friend gets angry, you need to realize that if she truly is a Christian, she is extremely immature in this area of her faith. You will find this a lot from people who want to continue in their sin. They do not want to hear the truth. If you bring up a scripture to them, do so gently in correction, or they will be offended. If they continue to ignore your objections, find an excuse to leave their presence. Don't pollute your mind with things that you don't need to hear.
Keep in mind that there will be a few who will hear your words of wisdom, and you may help them greatly in changing a behavorial pattern that they may be struggling with. Sometimes God uses us to bring correction- as long as we do it in love, and not to brag on our own goodness.
 
Cut her off when she gossips. Simple as that.
Go the route of "I know "insert gossip" is interesting to you, but I'm not interested in what so-and-so is doing." She'll eventually get the point.

Besides.... is she gossips about everyone else, what makes you think you're immune. Get a new friend.
 
As for your gossiping friend the reason she cuts you off when you mention the bible to her is because she knows what she is doing wrong. She doesn't want you to set her straight,.

Don't think it's a coincidence that you a new born Christian and a life time Christian are being brought together by Our Father in Christ [GOD] . Sounds to me like your friend needs a little reminder and like you were chosen to hit her with it.

You say when you try to talk to your Christian friends and family they run away. What kind of Christian friends and family do you have.?

Please know that if they are true children of God they would welcome the opportunity to talk about God any time, any place.

Sweety sounds like you need to go to a different enviroment and meet other Christians. I so understand your need to fellowship.

Pray to God to send you, your brothers and sisters in Christ and then you will be where you need to be.

God Bless You..
 
she is a HYPOCRITE.... like most of these fundalmentalists that think they are all going to heaven and the rest of us are going to hell.... stay away from her... she is gossiping about you right now... your ears should be ringing... mine are
 
first of all, congratulations on coming to christ! :)

as hard as it might be for you to do this, i think you should talk to her. don't "just shut up", show her those verses. remind her that christians are to be humble, remind her that it is only by the grace of god that she no longer desires to sin any more.

good luck :)
 
you know, the biggest cause of atheism is christians themselves. atheists look at some christians and see hatred, contradictions, and so much more... i read your story and it kind of reminded me of this fact.
telling somebody that what they are doing is wrong is ok to do, but really, why waste your valuable time on doing that, and usually the only way most people learn, is the hard way, something is going to happen to her, and she'll realize that what she's been doing all this time is wrong.

I suggest spending your time devoting it to God and doing what you can to make yourself a better person, you obviously have the right idea. stick with it, and you know what? if she really thinks of you as a good friend she'll listen to you. I promise.
 
I'm not a Christian. I do live in a small town. People talk and that's a fact. I don't like gossip. I don't care who's doing it.

Here's how you can put a stop to it. Tell your friend if she has a concern with someone else, (name the person) she needs to take it directly to that person.

You can say something like, "I don't need to hear this. It's none of my business. I'm sure if (name person) wanted me to know about this she/he would have called me up to tell me all about it."

And, for the really determined gossip. "If you are telling me this about her, what are you telling her about me. I'm so disappointed. I'd hoped you were someone I could trust."

If you listen to this nonsense--allowing conversations to continue, you can count on your friend telling others that you agree with what she's saying--even to the point of inventing words you've never said.

And, beware of this trap: I really shouldn't say anything but....
When you hear those words, watch out.
 
I've seen similar things when I was in high school. Many people pick up the faith of their parents and practice it, but they don't practice what they preach. The world is full of hypocrites. It might be good to talk to her about the gossip. Tell her it makes you feel uncomfortable. Also, talk to her about her faith. She might be gossiping, because she's not really sure how she feels about her own beliefs.
Sorry, if this doesn't help.
 
I think of the same passage as you have about what i call as...
"The Pharisee Prayer"...
I vote you share it with her when the time is right...and with the leading and the wisdom of the Holy Spirit!
I think you should tell her how glad you are that she does not desire to
drink, have premarital sex, drugs,etc.
Tell her you hope she will always follow the right path!
Tell her if this person and that person are not living a "righteous life"...
and are in trouble...we should Definitely Pray for them!
Then grab her hand and begin to Pray sincerely for them!
This should be a Real eye-opener for her!
Also, you could tell her you are uncomfortable talking about:
"Ms.Unrighteousness and Mr.Sinful'..for example.
 
No, you shouldn't "shut up", because any Baptised Christian now lives in Christ. We are his body!

Therefore, we have the same mission of Christ, we must allow Christ to live in us, we must surrender to his will.

like Jesus: we must be a FRIEND of sinners in order to convert them, we must be a TEACHER of God's Word even if it causes division, we must be a HEALER with our loving words, and above all, we must be a SERVANT to others in love to the point of suffering and even death!

Pray for your friend's true conversion and yourself. Prayer is the life of a Christian! God bless!
 
No, you shouldn't "shut up", because any Baptised Christian now lives in Christ. We are his body!

Therefore, we have the same mission of Christ, we must allow Christ to live in us, we must surrender to his will.

like Jesus: we must be a FRIEND of sinners in order to convert them, we must be a TEACHER of God's Word even if it causes division, we must be a HEALER with our loving words, and above all, we must be a SERVANT to others in love to the point of suffering and even death!

Pray for your friend's true conversion and yourself. Prayer is the life of a Christian! God bless!
 
No, you shouldn't "shut up", because any Baptised Christian now lives in Christ. We are his body!

Therefore, we have the same mission of Christ, we must allow Christ to live in us, we must surrender to his will.

like Jesus: we must be a FRIEND of sinners in order to convert them, we must be a TEACHER of God's Word even if it causes division, we must be a HEALER with our loving words, and above all, we must be a SERVANT to others in love to the point of suffering and even death!

Pray for your friend's true conversion and yourself. Prayer is the life of a Christian! God bless!
 
Back
Top