Today I sat for an hour with a blister pack of co-codamol and a glass of water, daring myself to take the lot and have done with. In the end, I got through 2 of them-nothing like enough to kill a person- before I chickened out.
I don't really know why, it just happens from time to time. I get down and the futility and hopelessness starts to get to me. The first time it happened I was 14, and my life wasn't going so well. I'd get beaten up at school, punished by the teachers for fighting, then beaten up at home for getting into trouble at school. I'd had enough, my life was hell and I didn't want to live any more. And now, I don't know, my life is OK I guess, I just go back to that place from time to time.
Damn I wish I was somebody else.