Thinking of killing myself?

C

Cierra

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I get made fun of all the time at school because of a depersonalization disorder. No one knows I have it other than family, friends, and school staff. I get openly called names all the time. I was an honor roll student and a varsity track and cross country runner. I feel like a failure now.

My parents won't let me stay home. I hate school so much I have tried breaking my arm in the bathroom stall door yesterday. I have never had a tardy before, but couldn't bear going to school Monday and continuing to get made fun of. I am serving detention for it. I didn't go again today. My parents won't call me out.

My therapist has tried tons of things with me. Meds, friends, support groups, counseling, testing. I am not getting better. It has gotten worse.

I am going to kill myself if I don't stop suffering. I have a knife, here. I am afraid, of course. I am not going to stop myself, though. I will get rid of the life I have because I cannot get the old one back. It is a recurrent thought. There is no more preventing me from stopping myself.
 
You need to drop the knife and pick up the phone or get someone. You have to remember that you are not in school forever, kids can be mean and you have to learn to ignore what other people say. You are not what other people say you are. Prove to yourself that you can overcome. You can do it.
 
Im so sorry to hear this :o But really "school" is full of a bunch of immature idiots. And believe it or not, anyone who is making fun of you, has issues...probably self esteem issues. Its isnt worth it. And soon you will be old news and they will be on to the next person they can make fun of. Its hard for the time being, but it will get better. School felt endless for me, i hated it and often had feelings like you are feeling, but i promise you school is only temporary (no matter how long it seems) and before you know it you will be on with you're life, and these people will be in the past. Why let some jerks bring you down like that!? They arent worth it! Life gets better hun, Just hold on. Maybe find a band you like, music is always a nice thing to turn too in tough times! ?
 
Don't do that. I felt the same way a few years ago. People would make fun of my and I never knew why. I eventually decided it is their loss not mine. So i found people that accepted me for me and they became my best friends. Don't give up.
 
Don't be stupid attention seeking whore.
Why just ignore what they say, tell the teachers and family if you haven't really and just hide things.
It makes me think you're pathetic holding a knife right now, and trying to cut your wrists while asking people on y/a if suicide is the right answer.You make me sick.
If your parents saw you dead you would ruin them for the rest of their life with regrets and all.
What about your friends?You'd just traumatize them or something else.
Think to yourself. Is suicide the right answer or is it a way i need to seek attention?
 
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