I'm at a crossroads in my life, and I have a lot of options in front of me... I'm trying to see the pros and cons of each choice. See, there are these four girls:
"H" - My girlfriend. We have a casual relationship, and things are peaceful. She's happy, and really cares for me. I don't care for her the way she does for me. I think she's a nice friend, but we don't have that spark, that passion. She doesn't have other social outlets aside from me, so she ends up just seeking my attention all the time. It's not a horrible thing to have a girl who loves you and wants to do everything to make you happy, but I'm interested in a partner, not a yes girl. She's not very strong or independent, and it repels me. She is currently seperated from her husband, for close to a year now.
"A" - My ex from work. We had a fling for a few months, that started while she was engaged to a guy who lived many states away. They were having problems, and he was becoming a little scary to her "You have to move here because I'm the man in the relationship, and your role is to obey me". She ended things with him, and we dated for a few months. Things were very passionate, but due to the circumstances surrounding the engagement, we were never able to be very public about it. It ended badly, and she spent the next several months apologizing to me. I eventually started speaking to her again. She's very flirty, and we have a lot of sexual chemistry and tension, a lot of flirty fun.
"L" - An ex from a few years ago, we had a fling for a few months. I ended it to pursue something more substantial with another woman. We've maintained a friendship over the years, and she recently had a baby girl, and is a single mom. We, too, had a lot of chemistry, and she's a very independent woman.
"S" - This woman is amazing. We're friends, and that's all. I bring her up because she's a really wonderful girl, and is sort of a measure of "perfect" for my situation here. She's an independent, intelligent, beautiful woman, that I would find myself in awe of being with.
My complicated situation is that the first three girls, my girlfriend, the ex from work, and the the single mom, all want to have a relationship with me. Not a casual fling, but pursue an real relationship. I don't feel very strongly for my girlfriend, and so I'm working to let her down gently. There's no reason to hurt her feelings, she really is a very nice person. From there, I don't know if I should pursue something with the ex from work with whom I share a lot of chemistry, but has messed me over before, the ex who is now a single mom, or neither. Neither would be the choice that goes something like, "I should be focusing on myself because neither of these girls are quality".
I seem to have very different standards than most, because a few people are pretty quick to dismiss everyone. They think the ex from work is, haha, "a little ho-ho" becuase she's flirting with me while I have a girlfriend, and we started relations while she was with her fiance. Easy to dismiss the single mom, too, because she may just be trying to latch on to some stability. Am I too relaxed with my standards? Does dating an ex who's now a single mom seem like I wasn't good enough in the first place, but am good enough now that she has baggage? Or should I be satisfied to have a girl who counts herself lucky to be with me, and learn to be content with someone who respects and loves me, but for whom I'm a little luke warm? I'm confused between my thoughts and my friend's advice....
EDIT: The last paragraph is an outline of the conflicting opinions I'm recieving from people, not really my thoughts. Her daughter is beautiful, and not in any way "baggage".
"S" isn't interested in me, she's just a high caliber person. And I agree that "H" deserves more. I ended it once before, explaining that my feelings weren't there and I felt guilty about it not going anywhere. She insisted I not worry about the future, because my feelings could grow, and just enjoy "today". I'm not enjoying today as much as I did, which is why I'm looking to end it with her.
"H" - My girlfriend. We have a casual relationship, and things are peaceful. She's happy, and really cares for me. I don't care for her the way she does for me. I think she's a nice friend, but we don't have that spark, that passion. She doesn't have other social outlets aside from me, so she ends up just seeking my attention all the time. It's not a horrible thing to have a girl who loves you and wants to do everything to make you happy, but I'm interested in a partner, not a yes girl. She's not very strong or independent, and it repels me. She is currently seperated from her husband, for close to a year now.
"A" - My ex from work. We had a fling for a few months, that started while she was engaged to a guy who lived many states away. They were having problems, and he was becoming a little scary to her "You have to move here because I'm the man in the relationship, and your role is to obey me". She ended things with him, and we dated for a few months. Things were very passionate, but due to the circumstances surrounding the engagement, we were never able to be very public about it. It ended badly, and she spent the next several months apologizing to me. I eventually started speaking to her again. She's very flirty, and we have a lot of sexual chemistry and tension, a lot of flirty fun.
"L" - An ex from a few years ago, we had a fling for a few months. I ended it to pursue something more substantial with another woman. We've maintained a friendship over the years, and she recently had a baby girl, and is a single mom. We, too, had a lot of chemistry, and she's a very independent woman.
"S" - This woman is amazing. We're friends, and that's all. I bring her up because she's a really wonderful girl, and is sort of a measure of "perfect" for my situation here. She's an independent, intelligent, beautiful woman, that I would find myself in awe of being with.
My complicated situation is that the first three girls, my girlfriend, the ex from work, and the the single mom, all want to have a relationship with me. Not a casual fling, but pursue an real relationship. I don't feel very strongly for my girlfriend, and so I'm working to let her down gently. There's no reason to hurt her feelings, she really is a very nice person. From there, I don't know if I should pursue something with the ex from work with whom I share a lot of chemistry, but has messed me over before, the ex who is now a single mom, or neither. Neither would be the choice that goes something like, "I should be focusing on myself because neither of these girls are quality".
I seem to have very different standards than most, because a few people are pretty quick to dismiss everyone. They think the ex from work is, haha, "a little ho-ho" becuase she's flirting with me while I have a girlfriend, and we started relations while she was with her fiance. Easy to dismiss the single mom, too, because she may just be trying to latch on to some stability. Am I too relaxed with my standards? Does dating an ex who's now a single mom seem like I wasn't good enough in the first place, but am good enough now that she has baggage? Or should I be satisfied to have a girl who counts herself lucky to be with me, and learn to be content with someone who respects and loves me, but for whom I'm a little luke warm? I'm confused between my thoughts and my friend's advice....
EDIT: The last paragraph is an outline of the conflicting opinions I'm recieving from people, not really my thoughts. Her daughter is beautiful, and not in any way "baggage".
"S" isn't interested in me, she's just a high caliber person. And I agree that "H" deserves more. I ended it once before, explaining that my feelings weren't there and I felt guilty about it not going anywhere. She insisted I not worry about the future, because my feelings could grow, and just enjoy "today". I'm not enjoying today as much as I did, which is why I'm looking to end it with her.