WOuld this story topic interest you?

1

13girl

New member
Joined
Dec 7, 2011
Messages
0
Reaction score
0
Points
0
She walks along the empty trail...the cold words of her mother haunting her every thought, "Melissa, you will never find love as you have the heart and soul of a rock, you care of yourself only" Had her mother known the side Melissa had yet to show her mother. For fear of disapproval. She watched herself burn as she had failed school,gave up on church, and had went through too many horrible breakups. Would she? Could she? Make it too freedom. To a house on the shores of california with fine chefs and maids? Or would her life take a turn for the worst she had yet to experience? Her love, beautiful dog, suitcase, and that dark path will lead her to a new beginning...

Sooooo, is it good? Any questions? Would you be interested in this? If you have time, would you rewrite this in a way better fit so i can compare please? Thank you all
 
yes it sounds great. and if you add something abnormal in there i am sure you will get a lot of readers attention. but it sounds interesting and it makes you want to know more
 
I would totally read it.

She walked along the dusty trail...the cold words of her mother haunting her mind and consumed her every thought, "Melissa, you will never find love as you have the heart and soul of a rock. You care only of yourself." Had her mother known the side Melissa had yet to show her, but didn't for fear of disapproval? She watched herself die as she had failed school, gave up on church, and had went through too many heartbreaking breakups. Would she? Could she? Make it to freedom. To a house on the shores of California with fine chefs and maids? Or would her life take a turn for the worst? After all she had yet to experience: true love. Will "her love", beautiful dog, suitcase take her through the dark, cold, lonely path that leads to new beginnings?

I write too. I love reading also, this type of stuff get me reading.
 
I think it is good, but like the first part has a small rhyme to it. really good writers pay attention to that stuff, and i think you should change it a little so that rhyme is not there. its nothing bad, it would just help it flow better. if they see one rhyme, especially at the beginning, they will want more rhymes or expect more, and get bored when they don't see them. but of course that is only from a really well writer's eye (:
 
Back
Top