Hello Baby! It's okay to rant, especially if someone listens and better yet if someone cares. It so happens I care and probably many more people than you think. You have a great opportunity to set the mood, start a trend, help your sisters get out of their shell. Yet it begins with you. First of all, you have to deal with your weight. It's killing your body, your future and worst of all your self-worth. See a Doctor so he can run some labs and tests. You may have a condition that requires immediate attention. If not and you are just a fatty, you have work to do. It won't be easy but I promise it will change your life. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Let's start with the fact that you are valuable. You are one of Gods creatures and he has a purpose for all of us. Your days of self pity need to stop today. Doesn't it make you angry? Use that anger to fight for a better you. Your depression may the reason you are over weight (typical female response to any problem). Stop today, get on a healthy diet, ease up on it, cold turkey never works, unless it's between two slices of bread. There are many resources here on the net. You already know how to suffer, so suffer a real diet. Take it a week at a time. On the 7th day, show yourself some mercy and eat something forbidden, like a piece of cake or big fat hamburger (don't get the fries and don't get the drink) I replaced my regular coke with Coke zero (has sugar substitute). Exercise! There are many mild ones out there. Start with those, but always challenge yourself to learn more do more. Walk if you can't run. Get a Mp3 player or Ipod and download happy energetic music for your walks and or runs. Yes! I know you can and you will be able to run. Dance to the oldies or something like it. It's fun, plus you will learn some dance moves. Exercise releases endorphins that give you a natural healthy high. Worry about yourself and no one else. Don't be rude if if other are to you. Right now you are over weight and as you know people talk. Ignore them. Don't even look at them. Someday people will envy you and they will talk about you anyway, so get over that. But don't be a weeny, if they get on your face, sit on them. Believe in something bigger than yourself. If God turns you off, find a cause. I prefer God and I fight with him all the time, but he forgives me every time. Your weaknesses can be your greatest asset. If you overcome your weight and eating habits, you can become a nutritionist, a physical therapist, and you won't just be book smart, you can convey your personal experience. People will respect that. Keep a picture of yourself today and keep it to motivate yourself to never go back there again and so you can actually show them that you are for real. If you have nothing good to say, say nothing. Be a good listener, God gave you one mouth to speak and two ears to listen. That means it;s more important to listen! It doesn't matter where you live or where you go. Once you realize that the problem is in you and not around you, there is nowhere you can go that you and your problem won;t be there as well. You can't run away from yourself. I know I tried and I have been all over the world. Join a club. Start a walking club and attach a cause to it, like race for a cure, pick one, there are many. Be good at all you do, try hard, never stop learning. This will make you an asset and popular, even if you never become a Barbie doll. You say you are competitive, but for all the wrong reasons. Learn to hate self pity, self loathing or any and all negative demons that you are living with. Don't wait for life to happen to you, if you do you will not like the result. Control your own destiny. Be the best person you can be, do the right things. You won't and shouldn't wait for or expect anyones approval but your own. Do it with a clean heart and soul and great things will happen,because it will be you that created it. Not all of us are born talented. The ones you think are do it by learning and practicing. The effort to push forward will depend on how much you really want it and I know you want it real bad. Look into a mirror. Promise that person that you love her and that you won't let her down. Be a role model for your sisters before they become the person you are now. Show them what is possible, take them with you when you walk. All of you will be happier and great to hang around with.
. a way you can make use of computer time is to study something. find something that excites you (like my spain example) and take hold of it. Reopen those old hobbies and talents you were talking about. You may fall in love with one! The final thing you need to hear, the only opinion about you that matters, is yours. make it a good one.