Granted!
Korpy, you're the first contestant in the "I Wanna Be a Celebrity!" death match.
Too bad your first opponent is a former convicted murderer. You lose 30 seconds into the match, death by shiv. Worse, the show is cancelled, and since all the contracts were done by a talented, dashing, and handsome Martial Artist and Attorney-at-Law, your estate gets nothing when they sue the TV channel.
I wish I could be Phil Baroni.