Should husband constantly complain about housework to stay-at-home mom of 4 kids?

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michelle

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I have 4 lovely children, ages 11, 7, 5, and 1. I also work 3-4 nights per week, totaling about 15-20 hours. The problem is that my husband constantly complains and makes me feel unappreciated and worthless because there are many days when all the housework isn't done (ok, most days it's not done). We live in a smallish house, so it is cluttered, and I admit that it has become quite dusty since my youngest was born, and the carpets need to be cleaned, etc. It seems that all I have time to do each day is get people ready for school, cook meals and clean them up, drive them to school and activities and pick them up, grocery shop, and laundry. I usually have dinner done but maybe not on the table before I go to work in the evening, and the kids' homework is done. But the floor only gets mopped about once a week, and the bathroom gets cleaned only once a week, and people often have to search for clean socks in one of many laundry baskets. It's not like I spend any time relaxing or slacking or even enjoying the children I stayed home to take care of! I don't think I deserve his constant complaints. I have been doing this for 10 years and I am tired! What to do?
 
Clean the house, sharmoota! how hard is that?!

UPDATE: I feel bad about your hubby. you should be SOOOOOOO ASHAMED of yourself! you should be begging his forgiveness everynight!! you need to be aware that he is your BREADWINNER!! he can get anyone else he wants!
 
most men dont understand what its like to care for small children, and you have a large family. your doing the work for 6 people, and cooking for them, driving them etc. ask him what his main complaints are and make a list of what you do do and then all that hes asking for, then write how long each item takes to do and then subtract the time you work, and youll have all the proff that you need that its not laziness its impossible. his job gets to end after his day, yours goes into the night. ill bet your the one taking care of nightmares, throw up, wet beds, and cough medicine.. cooking by itself is a full time job, thats three meals a day for 6 people plus dishes, and snacks, laundry for at least 5 beds thats sheets, blankets, pillows and pillow cases, thatsvacuuming, mopping, shopping for all these people... the details that they dont think about are like whos supposed to watch the kids while you do all this...??? ask him if he can do your 3 full time jobs?
 
This Saturday and Sunday you leave the house at the time he normally does and don't come back until he normally gets home. Once you're home do only what he does when he comes home on a work night. See just how much he's managed to get done. If he does get anything done deduct the time you spend carting the kids to and from school from his schedule and see if he would have been able to have accomplished it. Better yet, ask him to take two "vacation" days when the kids are in school. Maybe then he'll get a better appreciation for the tasks that you do perform. Frankly, I think it's a miracle that you're able to clean the bathroom once a week. He has a lot of nerve to complain about anything given the situation. I hope to God that the two of you have no more children considering his attitude. HE HAS NO RIGHT TO COMPLAIN. PERIOD.

It's time for the two of you to sit yourselves down, list all of the household chores and divvy out some chores to your 7 and 11 year olds as well as your husband. Here's the thing: your husband shouldn't have a moment to himself if you are home and busy. He should pitch in and help do whatever needs getting done. Taking care of the house and children is the job of both of you.

I have a cousin who has 8 kids. When they were growing up each had their own laundry basket with their name on it. As soon as each child was big enough to carry the basket from the laundry room they were expected to take their own basket full of clean clothes back to their room and put everything away. When they were old enough they were shown how to do their own laundry and it was up to them to get it done (she had 7 boys).


At ages 8 and 10, I and my sister started setting and clearing the table every day. We took turns taking out the garbage. At 11 and 13, we took turns on a weekly basis doing the family dishes and cleaning the kitchen counters and stove. We had younger sisters too. Everyone must pitch in.

You have six people living in that house. Two adults should both be contributing to the cleaning of it. My brother-in-law had a philosophy: when there is work to be done in the house both adults should be doing it. One adult should never be sitting doing nothing (like watching TV) when the other is taking care of things which must be taken care of. And children should begin contributing to the maintainence of the household as soon as they can.
 
Tell him if he does not like it and can do better than to do it. You are not a stay at home mom, you work too.
 
Tell him if he does not like it and can do better than to do it. You are not a stay at home mom, you work too.
 
Tell him that you work all day while he is working and you expect him to work on the house the whole time you are at work at night.
 
here come all the men haters. lmao.. Ok first of all. 10 years is a very long time. 4 kids, umm well im sure your husband was the same way when you had your 2nd. Lastly 3 to 4 nights 15 to 20 hours. That means you work 5 hours a NIGHT for about 1/2 the week. Kids are in school from 8am to 3 or 4pm. Soooooooooooooooooo. I would say change the foot on the other table. Get a full time job and have your husband do what your doing with part time job and take care of the kids and you worry about paying the bills and the outside ( yardwork , auto , ect.. ). Be at least fair about it and please dont be like these other useless women who want men to do everything for them. Having a family is hard work takes both the mom and dad to make things happen.
 
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